A Miss Of Expat Life

Dij : "F just got engaged. "

Me: " Whatttt ??? That's huge and awesome. What did she wear ? What did you wear ? Where did it happen ? I need all the details ASAP. "

I am typing this while reaching for the laptop and logging on to Facebook, still in my Abaya, just to see if she has uploaded any pictures, to see what she wore to the big day, how her fiance looked, what the ring was like, what my friend wore, every tiny detail of the function. I checked my Instagram after that to see more of her pictures and comment my happiness on them.

When you have friends in different countries, at first its very exciting. But it becomes boring and lonely pretty soon. Here is the hard part, you miss your friends graduation, their birthday, then their engagements and weddings. The first time it happens, it hurts a lot. Because at the end of the day, there is not much you can do.

I remember, back in the day, when we moved from KSA, I never felt this because I was visiting Jeddah every two months due to several reasons. We did that for almost two years. And I was much younger at the time. So getting a phone call from a friend, in another country, on your birthday was a huge deal for me. We all made an effort to wish each other, post presents and still be the same way. But it did not work like that. Phone calls were missed, numbers miss placed or changed, presents lost in the mail and distance just created these invisible barriers between us.

When you are younger, you do not make that much of an effort to keep in touch with someone who is not in a hundred km radius. Its just the way it is.

But as you grow older, you meet other people, the ones you leave behind start coming back to you and you start keeping tabs on them. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Skype, Viber etc have made this much easier than it was in the days of MSN emails, texts and actual phone calls.

I remember looking at my best friend's (at the time) pictures from a birthday party, every single person I knew, people I even hated were there, except me. Hands in hands, or on shoulders, drinks in huge glasses, some of my friends trying to sit down, some bending to get in focus, smiling at the camera, that picture came out perfect. But I was not in it. That picture was still complete. Like I never existed. I hated being an expat at that moment.

I am extremely lucky that people message me to tell the important happenings in their life or their sibling's life, or friends who get worried if I don't reply, who don't say anything if I forget their birthday or graduation. because they know that as long distance friends, we are past all that.

Its a hit and miss. Sometimes your wishes will reach them on time. Sometime they won't. But the thing is, your wishes mean that much more to the other person. Because they know how busy you are in your life. Taking time out of it to simply message them, congratulating on their special occasions becomes a big deal.

...SAP...

You Gotta Dress To Impress

The one thing I see in a guy is his dressing. I will not notice the height, features or the smile. Its the clothes, the way his shirt matches that rolled up denim, the square dial watch compliments his wrist or the mismatched socks peaking out of those Neon Converse.

Its in the details.

Today, dressing has diminished. There are very few guys who actually like to find out what suits them and what does not. We live in an era where there is more make up on our faces and less clothes on our bodies.

Even now, if you go to a simple shop in Pakistan, the shop keeper will be wearing crisp white starched Shalwar Kameez of the latest trend, watch, his hair combed neatly partitioned to the right and sandals which shine more than your Silver ware on the dining table.

Unfortunately, when I got married, the first thing I got to know was that Mr A is, well, not into clothes. By that I mean, he has no interest in making sure that his leather jacket is of the latest cut and style, let alone wear Car cuff links or a Burj Khalifa Tie Pin. His idea of looking presentable enough to be seen in public is wearing sweatpants with a t shirt.

I know. I don't believe where I ended up either. But that is the reality of life.

So my fantasies of seeing him dress up in a Blazer or a nice Vest, went down the brain and into the delete pile of my thoughts. Because if I ask him to go and change clothes, it goes from sweat pants to jeans and a black t shirt.

I often tell him that if I were a girl in a mall, I would not even give him a second glance.

On top of all this, his working space and his environment has been very casual so he does not has to make an effort.

But now all that is going to change.

Mr A got a new job. And its a fancy one. I term it "fancy" in the dressing department.

He is an accountant, so he has to wear work suits and much more formal clothing than he is used to.You cannot just walk around wearing dress pants and a white shirt anymore.

Sometimes you do not want to do a particular thing. But than circumstances change, and you end up embracing the change.

Welcome to the big league ! Where you have to dress to impress. 

...SAP...

Inside Jokes

Its the little snippets that you share with a loved one, locked in a bathroom or a hello every morning with that cute stranger in the coffee line on your way to work. 

Its that stupid cup cake bra of Katy Perry's that you made fun off. And the month after that which consisted of your conversations, starting with or including cupcakes and Katy Perry. And now everytime someone mentions those Sugary Delights, you search for your friend in the crowd and burst out laughing. Or your remember her with her incredibly loud cheerful laugh. And smile longingly at that memory. 

Its that moment when you see a pretty looking building in the middle of a restaurant hub and you ask whether that's a restaurant as well. You are looked at incredulously and are told that its some rich Sheikhs grave. Apparently the Souq is named after him. And you believe him. And than point out his stupidity when in fact you were the fool all along. 

Its those moments that no one else except that one person will understand. Someone other than them will never find cupcakes as hilarious or get the meaning of your hello. 

Because its not for them. 

You are lucky if you have those. 

Moments. Inside jokes. Not the friends. 

It doesn't matter who the person is. 

Stranger or foe. A memory has been made for life. A joke formed. 

And that person all of a sudden has been embedded in your mind. 

Every time you pass that restaurant, those expressions will be on your mind. His crooked nose, him doubling over in laughter while crossing the intersection will play in front of you. 

That time you walked home all the way from Villagio and was nearly killed at the traffic lights. The "I told you so" plus the death glares you got from that family friend will be remembered.

Or the time you and your brother made an elaborate story of your other sibling stealing Raisins from your Grandma's cupboard to give to his five year old girlfriend. No one else other than the three of you will find it funny. 

These cannot be made. 

Or talked. 

They are spontaneous. 

Instant. 

You cannot force them. 

It happens when it happens. 

Or it doesn't happen at all. 

You are in luck if it does. 

...SAP...

Its Just A Matter Of When

When we moved to Qatar, the first house that we stayed in was given to us by the company by dad worked for.

It did not have a single bulb or tube light in it.

It was the same case with the second and the third house. When asked for a house loan, we were given a bogus company policy excuse.

We bought every single energy saver in the house.

So when we finally moved houses a fourth time, after finding a house on our own terms, my mom wanted to payback the company for their generosity.

Moving day arrived, all of our packed and unpacked things go in the trucks, vans and cars hired by friends and family friends. Things got broken but most of them were shifted.

Last moment in the house, we are going through it to see if anything is left, when all of a sudden my mother looks up and sees the energy savers.

She gets hold of the ladder, climbs it up and takes it down. Than she goes around the house taking them all down one by one, liking ripping off band aid.

I stood there, telling her not to such an idiotic thing but her answer was the same, "I am not leaving without these."

So we went to the new house, a bag cradled in my lap with 8 energy savers and me praying that they don't break.

While setting up the new house, my mother noticed that a few bulbs were missing in the chandeliers in some of the rooms. Out comes the energy savers bag with a lecture on her being right and a mom smirk.

Fast forward ten minutes later, when I am standing on the ladder telling her that the ones we need are the twisting ones and the ones she took off of the old house were screw in ones.

Sometimes you have to let go.

Be it grudges or old buddies.

Its a Honey Bee that will sting you.

Its just a matter of when.

...SAP...

Letters To The Moon # 1

Photo by Saleha Jamil.

Dear Moon,

You and I have a very strange relationship. You are the only thing that has entranced me every time I look upon it.

Yesterday, I was hanging clothes outside, on the wash line and I saw you. You were gleaming like morning dew on a freshly blossomed Rose.

The stars aligned themselves in a way so that when you come out, you are the only one shining. And they are just Mustard in a Hot Dog, helping you look your best.

I don't think you need that.

You are perfect the way you are. Because you like me have a story. Those marks, craters, dents and blemishes you bear are the signs of your tale.

I look at you and wonder how you can be so beautiful despite bearing so many marks. Its like you have been hand painted to look wounded yet pretty as a new bride.

You are like a victory mark for people like us. Ordinary people.

We have reached you.

Put a foot on you.

And now we have achieved something. Something that defines us to our generations. Our greatness. Our accomplishments.

What do you think ? Do you agree ? Do you want to be a part of that victory ? Or do you want to be left alone ? Do you ever wonder why someone did not ask you ? Why someone did not care about you ?

Do you ever feel like you have to fulfill expectations ? What if someone does not think that you are as worthy as you yourself think ? Or someone thinks that you are useless ?

I think that you are just a pawn in our game. The game that we win. And the people around us clap. They cheer on us. They look at you with contempt. Because everyone wants to see who lost to us.

So in a way, you are not that different from me.

Yours sincerely,

SAP

......