Letters To The Husband # 2

Abdullah, (You do not deserve to be called dear today)

OMG ! You said something so insensitive that for two whole seconds I kept looking at you with zero facial expressions. Here is the reason, because I did not know how to react.

You ask what you did ? Good question. Here is a recap. Remember, when you asked me very politely why I cannot eat a small scoop of ice cream ? Why was it that my ice cream quantity had to be at least big enough for four people ?

I mean, how can you even ask that ? Who asks that ? Its ice cream. Its the number one rule of eating ice cream. You do not just get a single short teeny tiny scoop. That is like staring at it with puppy dog eyes. I have NEVER eaten a small scoop. I did not even know that they existed until I married you. You, my friend are a shame to the world of ice cream.

I do not remember even Moawiz ordering a small scoop for himself, even when he was four. That kids has better taste than you.

Here is the funny part. So today, after your stupid question, I ordered two small scoops, one Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and the other Mint Chocolate Chip. I was done before we even arrived home and it takes us like five minutes to get home. Ice cream should not disappear in five minutes. I seriously thought that someone had robbed me when I was eating it. Because it was like I had not even started that it finished.

This was a huge mistake on my point. Needless to say, that is not happening again.

Remember how we talked about my daily need of ice cream and you ooh so high and mightily pointed out that paying 18 riyals daily for ice cream was a little too much. I resorted to eating McDonalds ice cream. (Thank you McDonalds for keeping people like me alive and sane )

You need to remember this generosity of mine. Let's be honest dude. If a time ever came that I have to choose between you and ice cream, you know what my choice will be.

My point is, the next time you make such an outrageous comment on my perfectly healthy and awesome lifestyle choices, please decide whether you want to live with me peacefully or just live with me. The choice is yours. ;)

Ice cream's truly,

S

.......

A Miss Of Expat Life

Dij : "F just got engaged. "

Me: " Whatttt ??? That's huge and awesome. What did she wear ? What did you wear ? Where did it happen ? I need all the details ASAP. "

I am typing this while reaching for the laptop and logging on to Facebook, still in my Abaya, just to see if she has uploaded any pictures, to see what she wore to the big day, how her fiance looked, what the ring was like, what my friend wore, every tiny detail of the function. I checked my Instagram after that to see more of her pictures and comment my happiness on them.

When you have friends in different countries, at first its very exciting. But it becomes boring and lonely pretty soon. Here is the hard part, you miss your friends graduation, their birthday, then their engagements and weddings. The first time it happens, it hurts a lot. Because at the end of the day, there is not much you can do.

I remember, back in the day, when we moved from KSA, I never felt this because I was visiting Jeddah every two months due to several reasons. We did that for almost two years. And I was much younger at the time. So getting a phone call from a friend, in another country, on your birthday was a huge deal for me. We all made an effort to wish each other, post presents and still be the same way. But it did not work like that. Phone calls were missed, numbers miss placed or changed, presents lost in the mail and distance just created these invisible barriers between us.

When you are younger, you do not make that much of an effort to keep in touch with someone who is not in a hundred km radius. Its just the way it is.

But as you grow older, you meet other people, the ones you leave behind start coming back to you and you start keeping tabs on them. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Skype, Viber etc have made this much easier than it was in the days of MSN emails, texts and actual phone calls.

I remember looking at my best friend's (at the time) pictures from a birthday party, every single person I knew, people I even hated were there, except me. Hands in hands, or on shoulders, drinks in huge glasses, some of my friends trying to sit down, some bending to get in focus, smiling at the camera, that picture came out perfect. But I was not in it. That picture was still complete. Like I never existed. I hated being an expat at that moment.

I am extremely lucky that people message me to tell the important happenings in their life or their sibling's life, or friends who get worried if I don't reply, who don't say anything if I forget their birthday or graduation. because they know that as long distance friends, we are past all that.

Its a hit and miss. Sometimes your wishes will reach them on time. Sometime they won't. But the thing is, your wishes mean that much more to the other person. Because they know how busy you are in your life. Taking time out of it to simply message them, congratulating on their special occasions becomes a big deal.

...SAP...

Letter To The Husband # 1

Dear Abdullah,

First of all I sincerely apologise for what I am about to do. But I am going to do it anyway, that is write about you. Because I want to and this is a free world.

I love writing letters and doing sentimental things like that. But you do not even try to like that. I thought why not write a virtual one since you do read my blog.

I have realised that I do not appreciate you as much as I should. That is because I know that I am stuck with you for life, whether I like it or not. Like the fact that I hate your habit of throwing your clothes on the floor or never paying at a restaurant. Your wallet only materializes when we are at KFC, McDonalds, Shawarma place, Burger King, Baqala etc. Dude, be a man and learn to pay up.

The past year has been really weird for me because as much as the world and our society tried to change me, you did not try at all. And the ironic part is that I expected the total opposite. And while everyone else was busy telling me how to wear clothes or make a certain dish or go to someone's house, you were there telling me it was okay to be whoever I wanted. Or not do anything at all. I felt okay, like even if I stopped studying or did not cover myself in a layer of make up, I would still be okay.

I have learnt a lot about people, how they are, what they say and what they really mean. But in all that, I have seen you as well. And every time I look at you, my optimism soars, like a bird flying higher and higher. Because you are the most content man I know. You are happy and perfectly okay the way you are right at this second whereas the rest of us, want this, achieve that or travel there.

I remember telling you, more like babbling about what I wanted to do in life, the places I wanted to explore, people I wanted to meet, food to eat etc. And I asked you, what do you want ? And you said, "Me ??? Well, I have everything I ever wanted. Actually, more. I don't want anything else. I already have more than I deserve."

Let me just tell you that my eyes almost popped out. And I did not believe a letter of what you said that day. But as I started to live with you, I realised that you were not lying.

I am not saying that you are perfect because lets be honest, you are not. And there are a million things I don't like about you but this letter is not about that.

Its about appreciating you. acknowledging the fact that I do know about the good things in life.

I know that at times you have uncertainties about us. But let me tell you a secret, I think that as long you are you and I am me, we will be just fine.

Right now there are about fifteen trophies in our room and not a single one of them has been earned by either of us. And they are taunting me.

Can I drink coke in one of them ? Ooh, that would be so cool. I am doing that tomorrow.

I just wanted to let you know that I know what a good person you are. And I am glad that you are in my life. Because believe me when I say this, I would not be sitting right here if it was not for you.

Yours always,

S

P.S. I still hate you for bailing out on me, for getting Frozen Coke.
P.P.S. This was the good part. Eventually the bad ones will be out as well.
P.P.P.S. The only reason I am writing this is because at least you will READ what I WRITE this way.

Letters To The Moon # 5

Dear Moon,

Something really exciting and awesome is happening in my life right now. The bad things is that I cannot tell you about it. Not because I don't want to but because its the right thing at this moment. I have this tendency to announce anything good that comes my way, and then it disappears. People judge me and pass their opinions without knowing anything, end result is that I quit.

I do not want that this time. Because one, I am really happy doing what I am doing. Secondly, its exhausting but when I go to sleep at night, I am happy. Even if I have to sacrifice something to do it, I am still happy. Its what I have always wanted to do. Maybe not in this manner but life is not always 100 percent chocolate.

One thing I have gotten to know is that I work pretty well with deadlines. If I have to finish something by that time, I will do it. And its shocking. Because I do things and then I leave them in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, I abandon my vehicles. Reason 678 why I am still driving in the middle of the road. But I will get where I want.

I am pumped up. I can see a direction now. I can see this headed towards something. And that is a great thing for me. Because it has been hard adjusting to this life. I usually apply the formula of my way or highway.

I can feel that I am slowly coming back to who I was an year ago. And honestly, I want to rediscover that person again. Because let me tell you, I was bad ass. I was fearless. I need to stop making thorns into boulders.

It is a funny thing how you think that you can live your life for others, but when you are suppose to actually do it, you find out that you suck at it. I think that I can achieve the independence I have always wanted. And to be honest, I can see my goals near me, after a long long time.

Yours truly,

S

Letters To The Moon # 4

Dear Moon,

The past couple of days have been really weird. I have fallen into this pity party mode where all I do is think about my actions and feel sorry for myself.

Honestly, my life is pretty good right now. I do not have any major family drama going on. Everyone seems to be happy with how things are going. Except me. I don't know why. I cannot figure out my problem in all of this.

I guess its because I am home all the time. And that drives me nuts. I have tons of studying to do, blog posts to write, books to read, movies to watch but instead I just waste time doing nothing on the internet. I seriously need to know what is wrong with me.

Over the past few days, I have gotten to experience being the working class. And let me tell you that when they say, its not easy to earn. Its not. Anything you do to earn your way in this world, is hard work. You are extremely lucky if what you do is what you love. And I have been that lucky. I have gotten the chance to write and get paid for this. That is extremely gratifying.

I am not used to with things just falling in my lap. I have had to work for them, finding a way around things, avoiding the bumps in the road. Its not been very difficult but its certainly not been easy as well. So imagine my feelings when things just sort of fall into place like pieces of puzzle.

Life is weird that way. The things you lust after, remain out of reach. And when they are in your hands, you realize you were okay without it as well. And somethings just happen without you knowing how much you wanted it.

Thank you ! For making me realize that in a way, I am lucky. Because I get to just deal with this part of my life and move on. I don't have to anticipate anything, see my parents worried looks over me becoming over aged or over confident or whatever. I get to let go. And I get to do what I want. I get to fight for myself, for my independence. I simply get to move on.

I used to think about what things I will have to give up in order to be that perfect image of a "BAHU". Or someone's wife. Life has shown me that today, I get to be exactly who I want to be. No one has told me not to do something. Whether it is studying, reading books, writing or paying 150 riyals for a piece of cake. I get to enjoy that freedom.

Yours always,

S