Letters To The Moon # 6

Dear Moon,

Its hard when you are caught in between things. You are in the middle of one of those suspended rope bridges on top of a river, seen on TV which everyone wants to cross, but it turns out that you are stuck. You cannot go forward because what awaits you is more horrifying than the rope under your feet. And you certainly cannot go back. So you stand their, holding onto the side of the bridge with all the strength that you can muster, hoping and praying that the bridge stays secure. And some miracle occurs.

I am caught in between life. I do one thing and the other suffers. And this between, its not a happy place. It is more of a temporary one.

Today, I realised something. That I do not need to be afraid. My biggest strength is standing right in front of me and I was oblivious to it all this time. I do not have to carry all that baggage with me. I do not have to be the bad person by talking back or talking about anything that I want.

All I have to do is be strong. Work hard and hold my ground on the things I love and the things I want to do.

Things are very simple. Its me who makes them complicated thinking about the consequences.

Here is the reality. I am not answerable to anyone. I am an adult. Okay, if you want to take it this way then the only person I need to consult in my decisions is my husband. And lets be honest, he is rarely going to have a problem with what I do with my life. If he is with me, the rest can go to an abandoned parking lot. I do not give a shit.

I am out of my parents jurisdiction. I am my own person now. So I should stop taking crap from all the other people in my life. And start paying attention. Thing is that no one will have a right to say anything if he is with me. So why the hell have I started caring so bloody much about it all ?

Why have I become such a tension freak ? Not every tiny detail is my fault. And I should stop taking it as that.

Yours always,

S

P.S. This is the moment where Abdullah realizes that he is screwed. But I am glad that I married the right person.

Letter To The Husband # 1

Dear Abdullah,

First of all I sincerely apologise for what I am about to do. But I am going to do it anyway, that is write about you. Because I want to and this is a free world.

I love writing letters and doing sentimental things like that. But you do not even try to like that. I thought why not write a virtual one since you do read my blog.

I have realised that I do not appreciate you as much as I should. That is because I know that I am stuck with you for life, whether I like it or not. Like the fact that I hate your habit of throwing your clothes on the floor or never paying at a restaurant. Your wallet only materializes when we are at KFC, McDonalds, Shawarma place, Burger King, Baqala etc. Dude, be a man and learn to pay up.

The past year has been really weird for me because as much as the world and our society tried to change me, you did not try at all. And the ironic part is that I expected the total opposite. And while everyone else was busy telling me how to wear clothes or make a certain dish or go to someone's house, you were there telling me it was okay to be whoever I wanted. Or not do anything at all. I felt okay, like even if I stopped studying or did not cover myself in a layer of make up, I would still be okay.

I have learnt a lot about people, how they are, what they say and what they really mean. But in all that, I have seen you as well. And every time I look at you, my optimism soars, like a bird flying higher and higher. Because you are the most content man I know. You are happy and perfectly okay the way you are right at this second whereas the rest of us, want this, achieve that or travel there.

I remember telling you, more like babbling about what I wanted to do in life, the places I wanted to explore, people I wanted to meet, food to eat etc. And I asked you, what do you want ? And you said, "Me ??? Well, I have everything I ever wanted. Actually, more. I don't want anything else. I already have more than I deserve."

Let me just tell you that my eyes almost popped out. And I did not believe a letter of what you said that day. But as I started to live with you, I realised that you were not lying.

I am not saying that you are perfect because lets be honest, you are not. And there are a million things I don't like about you but this letter is not about that.

Its about appreciating you. acknowledging the fact that I do know about the good things in life.

I know that at times you have uncertainties about us. But let me tell you a secret, I think that as long you are you and I am me, we will be just fine.

Right now there are about fifteen trophies in our room and not a single one of them has been earned by either of us. And they are taunting me.

Can I drink coke in one of them ? Ooh, that would be so cool. I am doing that tomorrow.

I just wanted to let you know that I know what a good person you are. And I am glad that you are in my life. Because believe me when I say this, I would not be sitting right here if it was not for you.

Yours always,

S

P.S. I still hate you for bailing out on me, for getting Frozen Coke.
P.P.S. This was the good part. Eventually the bad ones will be out as well.
P.P.P.S. The only reason I am writing this is because at least you will READ what I WRITE this way.

It Rained ! In Qatar ! In November !

I was just coming out of the bathroom, when I was informed by my dear husband that I had just missed the first thunderstorm of the season.

My reaction consisted of a lot of shrieking and running to the window to inspect everything myself. The sky was so beautiful. It looked like it was 5 in the evening, when the sun is almost down, and its that moment between going all dark and being full bright.

With more pressing matters on my mind like getting make up off my face and changing into comfy PJ's, I moved on from the sky.

We were ready to go to sleep. At least Mr A was. I had tons of studying to do. But following his routine, he got up to smoke. And that magical moment when I am told that it is raining. I have never appreciated his smoking habits more.

I ran to the window. And it was raining.

In Qatar ! In November ! Aaaah, what a magical night !

I wanted to jump out of the window and dance in the rain. But sadly, now my actions are monitored.

I am proud to say that I did not forget my camera. Which was such a waste because I ended up not using it anyway.

When we went downstairs into the compound, I was so sad to see that no one was outside.

NOT A SINGLE SOUL !

IT WAS RAINING. In QATAR ! And no one was out.

Everyone was hanging out from there windows, taking pictures on their I pads or phones.

We being the stupid ones got into the car and went on a drive. After getting into the car, I realised that showering myself with rain and getting the brand new leather seats ruined is not an option. My heart was crying and cursing my husband at that point. And my, why the hell did I marry this guy ? thoughts were back.

But after two streets, he thankfully reversed the car and we came back home to rain.

There was still no one outside in the compound. It made me sad. What has the world come to ? Why are things like rain and rainbows hold no importance in our life anymore ? How is it that today, we are more into updating our statuses about rain than going out and enjoying it ?

In Pakistan, we had a ritual. The minute rain started, my dad would tell mom to make "Pakoras". All us kids would be out playing games like "Pakkan Pakrai" and cricket in the rain. Lemonade would be made. My mom would hand out all the snacks to dripping wet kids. Our days of rain would always end by having a huge water fight with all the water bottles of the house.

I love technology and all the ways our life has become easier. But I do miss the fact that we have forgotten the small things in life.

Like rain, sunsets and rainbows.

....SAP....