This Society And Its Cruelness

There was a death in the city three days ago.

.

An aunty very dear to us, had the misfortune of losing her husband. He was in the hospital the past 1 and a half month, really sick, not being able to cope with pain but he was breathing, alive. 

I have seen that aunty go about her day, working selflessly for others. When she got married, her husband had a whole family to support, so she spend her years, cutting down her needs, educating and then marrying her husbands siblings. By that time, her own kids were grown up, so there studies became a priority. After that came marriages and finally after all these years, she was free. 

The time had come for her to sit back and relax. 

But destiny had something else in mind. 

Word gets around very fast. Its twisted like a piece of twine. Some of the things I heard were down right cruel. 

"See, his sons are Hafiz-e-Quran. But when I asked him to read Quran to his father, he put it on a mobile instead of reading it out loud himself."

"We went to their house to pay our respects and his daughters did not even come out of there rooms."

"I was sitting there for half an hour and I was not asked for water. Back home, we are served tea, samosas, biscuits etc."

"All of there kids are so rude. What was the use of their parents sacrificing so much for such selfish kids ?"

"At least my kids are not like this. If I die, they will arrange for catering and make sure no one goes hungry from our house."

"Ali Sahab and his wife were religious but their kids were not at all. They cared too much about worldly things."

"Parents need to focus more on their kids upbringing. Ali Sahab should have paid attention to his kids religious education."

"His eldest daughter was not even crying. Instead of tears dripping down her face, she was looking after her own daughter."

"Where was their daughter in law's family ? My neighbour's daughter told me that no one visited, from their family in these three days."

This is what is being talked about at a dead man's funeral.

Yes, they are praying for his forgiveness in the next world, for him to be awarded Jannah, reciting Quran and Darood Shareef for hours. But when they go back to their homes, this is what they talk about. Apparently, this was more important then that man's funeral.

So the next time, someone dies near to us. We need to forget our own grief and cater to the people around us. We need to make sure that they get tea, biscuits, eat Biryani, Qorma, Karahi and then Gajar ka Halwa for dessert. Then spread quilts filled with bird feathers, under them so they sit in the most comfortable way possible. We should assist them in every way so they go home and talk about some other nonsense.

You would expect that our society would leave you alone when a person you dearly loved, dies.

But no ! Not even death can put scotch tape on their mouths.

Lord knows what truly can. 

Be A Little Warmer

A few days back, Moawiz asked Amma,

"We are going to Pakistan. Will there be snow there ? "

"Yes, there will be snow," said my mom.

"So, there will be a Santa Claus and Christmas there ?", he asked with a very excited face. 

My mom started laughing and explained to him what Christmas is and that we don't celebrate it. But other people do. And he informed by mom about all the latest Christmas traditions. 

"So I won't be able to play in the snow ?"

My mom explained that snow is not just for Christmas. And that you can play how much ever you want. 

After a few days, my mom was telling this to someone over the phone. And the reply stunned me. That aunty went on to say, " How does your son know so much about Christmas ? Has he turned Christian ?"

My mom got really pissed and clarified that he watched a lot of cartoons, so he knows a lot of different things. And that he is 7. Than we all sat down and told Moawiz not to say something like this in front of certain people because the reaction is very bad. 

This got me thinking. When I was growing up, I had all different sorts of friends. Which included Non Muslim friends. And it was awesome. We respected their religion. They respected ours. They celebrated our festivals like their own even when we hesitated to do the same. But who can say no Christmas cookies and Chocolate Hazelnut fudge ?  It was a treat to see them wear Magenta coloured Pakistani clothes, arms covered with Mehndi and bangles, eating spicy food and asking for second helpings. 

Even in Pakistan, there was a Canadian family who lived right in front of my Khala's house in Rawalpindi. And I have grown up playing with there kids and the huge dog. I have baked cookies with them and decorated their Christmas tree. I have had bicycle races with them, popped firecrackers on Independence day while covered in Green and White and had Judy Aunty make us the best Strawberry Jam in the world. 

Some of the best people I have known, over the years are from different religions, different Nationalities, culture, traditions and what not. But even now there is no acceptance of the fact that two people with different religions can live in harmony and be friends. People will have their kids study in an American or British school because the studies are better. But the minute someone invites you to their Halloween party, its a disaster. Why ? 

Growing up abroad has had so many advantages. One of it being that you end up learning a lot about other religions. And you love them all the same. You know your beliefs and their limits, so you know not to cross them. But you also know to respect others and their religion like you would expect them to do with yours. So its give and take. 

Have you ever made hot chocolate with real chocolate ? If you have, than you will know that chocolate doesn't mix with the milk unless its melted and the milk is also warm. So they both have to do their two very different jobs to make one delicious drink. This is not that different than that. Learn to be a little warmer. 

......

Anger - An Impulse

It was 5th grade and I was merely 10 years old. But my anger had always been very impulsive and I had a tendency to take it out on people. I never meant to but that is how it was. Somehow I used to lose my thinking capability. My brain used to shut down and hormones came over it. I said things I never meant. Sometimes that still happens. But now it is very rare. I remember once I was shouting at someone over something and my gym teacher saw that. He said to me that, Sumaica, take your anger physically out on non living things rather than actual people. So that whole year whenever something used to piss me off, I use to go to the gym and work out. Whatever work out a 10 year old can do. But my point is that it took 15 minutes of physical labour for my anger to pass like a bad storm. And that helped me a lot to keep my anger in control over the years.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, anger is a strong feeling of extreme displeasure. I define it more like as wanting to punch someone so hard that their teeth fall out and they have a toothless ugly smile.

Sometimes I think that kids are better than us in this respective. They take out their anger by punching someone or throwing a tantrum in the middle of a mall. It lasts only 15 minutes and then they let go of it and forget whatever happened. On the other hand being an adult makes you do what people call it "think rationally". So instead you just keep on spinning things over and over again like a cotton candy is spun. And if you take a cotton candy, compress it, there is nothing in it. And that is how things are when we are angry.

Everyone of us needs a solution to control our anger. Or to at least let go of it. It is like figuring out all the kinks of a damaged car, so that only you know how to drive it. I found mine after a long time. So today whenever I am angry, my diary or any paper finds me and words tumble out of my pen like men breaking away from a prison. But once those words have left my hand, then I never think about those things again. We all have that solution. Whether it is working out in a gym, writing, going on a drive or shouting at your loved ones.

Like Maya Angelou said,

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."

So at the end of the day, I learnt that being angry helps no one. It effects only you and the damage done has to be repaired by you. So like a car, you have to figure out all the kinks and find a solution to let go of it. That is what helps everyone keep their sanity.

...SAP...