Another New Year

December 28, 2012

2012 is coming to an end. And I cannot believe that it is going to be over.  It seems just like yesterday when I was welcoming 2012. Another year has passed and life is still going. Time flies so quickly, it is like one minute you are looking at it and the next minute, you blink and another year stands in front of you. 

Personally 2012 started with a bang and it gave me the biggest news ever. On January 7, 2012, I came in contact with the eldest of my cousins. We had lost contact with him 30 years ago due to a lot of things that happened in our family. But it was definitely the best day to know that the kids who always existed in talks were real. Growing up, I and my cousins made a pact that we will find them when we are much more elder but we never had to do that.

It was also the year I officially started a blog and although I am not consistent at all. I will try my level best to be so. I am not sure of anything in my life at all. And I am confused as hell on so many different things that are life changing and important. But I became sure of one thing. And that was that I can put my thoughts into my words. And that is my strength. No one can take that away from me.  It is one of those things that is just mine. 

The biggest shock that I got was when I was told that Muteeba aka my best friend who I consider as a sister, is going to Pakistan forever to continue her studies. No comments on how I felt. Because it was downright the most unbelievable thing I had heard. But it did happen.  The next shock that I got was when she came back because of our stupid education system. Thank you, education system. But I got to have one more year with her. What could be more awesome than that ?

I lost a lot of battles this year but won a lot of them too. I experienced things I hadn't before and realised that things happen in a different manner than I thought as well. I also made new friends and thankfully didn't lose any old ones.

Honestly, my life is filled with so much drama and things happening all the time that I cannot remember half of the things that have happened this year. One back draw of this year was that I could not finish my challenge of reading hundred books because I fell into a phase where I think, social media engulfed me and I abandoned my poor books. But no problem, I am back on track and they will get full attention. I read 78 books. Not good at all.

The coming year is very important and crucial for me. Because this year is going to decide what my future will get to be like. Where I will stand ten years from now. I will be starting a whole new chapter of my life and this year is all going to be about that. Whatever happens in this year, I hope it happens for a good reason and happens in the best of my interests. I do not know whether next year I will still be able to say that 2013 was an awesome year. But  I hope that I do get to say it and mean it too. 

P.S. I apologize for being such a lazy ass and uploading this after 16 days of New Years start. 

...SAP...

I Live Away From Home

Last year my very best one and only sister wrote an article titled, "Living Away From Home" and she mentioned all the things that she misses while living abroad. When I read it, I thought to myself that why is she being so sentimental and emotional ? So what ? It is not a big deal. I love Qatar. I don't have a problem living away from Pakistan. Yes. There are great things about Pakistan but I just don't see the diamond studded picture that can make me miss Pakistan. Its just one of the other countries on the map for me. I didn't give it a second thought and life went on.

But last Friday, I realised that Yes! I do live away from home. And yes ! Pakistan is home. You see it was my cousins Nikah ceremony. Now, we are a very small family and this is the first guy whose Nikah it was and we all pretty close. Because it all happened so suddenly within a week, we couldn't go and attend it. On the day of Nikah, my father called and my cousin (his elder and only sister) picked up and she told my dad that they were all getting ready and would leave for the ceremony in an hour. And I wanted to wear heels, spend hours at getting ready, wear those beautiful clothes and just be there. We called again after the Nikah to talk to everyone and congratulate them.  And I just had this emptiness in me. I had this longing to be there. I wanted to be there to enjoy the moment with my family. It was the first time in my life that I wanted to be in Pakistan rather any where else.

That day I realised that despite what I say and what I believe, deep down for me, my home has been and always will be Pakistan. It is like you realise the importance of something when you don't have it anymore and you think that you can get it back whenever you want but that's not how it works. You have to stick to what you have. I really did see the diamond studded picture which made me want to just fly out there and be with them. I really despised our lack of flying abilities on this auspicious day.

When you see a part of your family going through an important phase of their life and you so wish to be there for them but its the thousands of miles that stand between you and your home. You realise that the things you took for granted and never gave a second thought are the ones that are essential in your life and at the end of the day you are nothing without those things. I really am nothing without my family, without my identity, without my home. When you live abroad, you have the satisfaction that there are people back at home who will always be there to welcome you with open arms and no matter what life throws at you they will back you up. So, with immense pride I admit that I live away from home.

...SAP...