That One Moment

It was our 2nd year farewell a few days back. And it went perfect. Well, almost perfect. Things seem to shake up a little bit when we as in me and my friends are the ones doing everything. I guess its the way we work or the ideas we materialise.

Me and Muteeba had decided to do Spoken Word Poetry inspired by Sarah Kay. Honestly, we have never done anything together. Never. Ever. In the past six years that we have been friends, we have taken a lot of sides, fought fights, stood up for people, done things but never really done anything for ourselves. Just the two of us against the world. Or something. We never had a chance and we never made one. So we thought that we should perfect a moment that will portray our friendship for the rest of our lives. And I can proudly say that we succeeded.

Believe me, a confident person like me was about to give up. Because I sucked that much while practising. We had one day to practise it and it was going very bad. Very very bad. But all that did not matter on the stage. I was there with the one person who has truly defined friendship for me. So everything else just vanished. I felt like it was complete. It was perfect. At least for me it was. And I kept thinking that this is the first and last time I am doing this with her. We did it, with the mistakes that only we know, with similes in every sentence and with the friendship that we have shared for so many years. That moment I realise that I had done something right in my life to be blessed with such an amazing friend. That day I was truly grateful for what I have.

I feel like I never really got to beat somebody up for making fun of her or something. I did get to do that for others but never really her. You know, feel your blood rushing to your face for punching someone who had just insulted your best friend. Never really got to do that. Do not get me wrong. We have always had each others back. That is not even for anyone to question. But something was missing and we found that. Because we were on the stage doing a combination of all the things that we love. Words, poetry, books, writing, similes, chocolate, food, horses and most of all friendship. These are just a few. But that one moment was beyond perfect for me.

P.S. Muteeba, if life ever gives me a chance to punch someone for you, I promise I will. Although you would probably have had that person onto his knees by then.

...SAP...

Another New Year

December 28, 2012

2012 is coming to an end. And I cannot believe that it is going to be over.  It seems just like yesterday when I was welcoming 2012. Another year has passed and life is still going. Time flies so quickly, it is like one minute you are looking at it and the next minute, you blink and another year stands in front of you. 

Personally 2012 started with a bang and it gave me the biggest news ever. On January 7, 2012, I came in contact with the eldest of my cousins. We had lost contact with him 30 years ago due to a lot of things that happened in our family. But it was definitely the best day to know that the kids who always existed in talks were real. Growing up, I and my cousins made a pact that we will find them when we are much more elder but we never had to do that.

It was also the year I officially started a blog and although I am not consistent at all. I will try my level best to be so. I am not sure of anything in my life at all. And I am confused as hell on so many different things that are life changing and important. But I became sure of one thing. And that was that I can put my thoughts into my words. And that is my strength. No one can take that away from me.  It is one of those things that is just mine. 

The biggest shock that I got was when I was told that Muteeba aka my best friend who I consider as a sister, is going to Pakistan forever to continue her studies. No comments on how I felt. Because it was downright the most unbelievable thing I had heard. But it did happen.  The next shock that I got was when she came back because of our stupid education system. Thank you, education system. But I got to have one more year with her. What could be more awesome than that ?

I lost a lot of battles this year but won a lot of them too. I experienced things I hadn't before and realised that things happen in a different manner than I thought as well. I also made new friends and thankfully didn't lose any old ones.

Honestly, my life is filled with so much drama and things happening all the time that I cannot remember half of the things that have happened this year. One back draw of this year was that I could not finish my challenge of reading hundred books because I fell into a phase where I think, social media engulfed me and I abandoned my poor books. But no problem, I am back on track and they will get full attention. I read 78 books. Not good at all.

The coming year is very important and crucial for me. Because this year is going to decide what my future will get to be like. Where I will stand ten years from now. I will be starting a whole new chapter of my life and this year is all going to be about that. Whatever happens in this year, I hope it happens for a good reason and happens in the best of my interests. I do not know whether next year I will still be able to say that 2013 was an awesome year. But  I hope that I do get to say it and mean it too. 

P.S. I apologize for being such a lazy ass and uploading this after 16 days of New Years start. 

...SAP...

Some Old Memories

I was cleaning my cupboard and going through all the old stuff. There were so many things. My reading list of 2011 stared back at me with all its glory because it has the names of 103 books written on it. There was the wrapping paper that Ghina gave me my B'day present in. There was this paper where me and Nadi had drawn Mosqui Teeba. There were papers on which my friends had written quotes or just random words that   I never threw out. Rough draft of the first ever poem that I wrote. A page from my mom's diary. My old speeches. Pictures of a few of my friends. My 9th grade roll no slip. The ice cream stick with  "like us on facebook" written on it. The candy stick from last years food festival that I never ate. Picture of my best friends sister who looks like a little cute boy in it. And some other random bits and pieces of different things.b

Sometimes I have difficulty in processing the fact that I am 17. Life has passed by really quickly. And it still is going by like its racing with the best car in town and it wants to win on any cost. Sometimes I want life to stop and take a pause. Let me get my bearings and fully understand what I am doing. But life does not stop for anyone. Its like a train with no destination. And you are on it.

I love making memories. I want to live my life to the fullest. So that when I am old and whiter haired, I would have tons of pictures and stories related to them to tell the people around me. I could say that yes, I have done everything I ever wanted.

I think that when you look back at your life, you realise what you were and what you have become. You understand the things that you did and that you shouldn't do again. The mistakes you made, the triumphs you celebrated. The loser you were, the winner you became. The kid you were and the adult that life made you. The pain that brought tears to your eyes and the joys that brought a smile to your pretty face. What people thought you were but what you really became. Weakling is what they called you, fighter is what you proved yourself to be. Times when you had no money to buy an ice cream, times when you spent hundreds of dollars on one pair of shoes. Times when no one stood by you, times when you made everyone stand by you. Times when you fell down, times when you picked yourself up again. Times when you failed, times when you succeeded. Times when death faced you, times when life engulfed you. Simply all times.

I look back at my life from time to time and I learn a lot of things from reflecting back at it. It has been an awesome journey so far and I hope that it will be more awesome in the future. It is good to look at all your old memories and look at the person you were. Memories have always been very important to me and they always will be. This is what life is about. Just living it one day at a time and not forgetting who you are.

...SAP...

It Is A Shooting Star

I remember being little and looking at the sky. Its always been one of the best things in my life. It has always fascinated me and I wondered how could something so dark and mysterious hold so much beauty and meaning in it.

I remember I was 7 or 8 years old and we were in Pakistan. My mom, my cousin and I were sitting on the porch stairs. They were talking and all of a sudden there was this silver thing that passed over the sky like lightening. It was beautiful and fast and it left silvery sparks behind like leaving some kind of momento for you to look over and remember forever. I asked my mom what it was and she said, Sumaica, it is a shooting star. They are very rare and only special people get to witness them so if you see them, know that you are very special. She also said that Sumaica, life is also like a shooting star, it is very fast and once it goes, it never comes back. So make sure that you live your life like no one else and be a person that you yourself will be proud of one day. And I said to her, I just want to know what it does. And she said that it gives you hope that there are unexpected  things in life which are good just like a shooting star, so don't worry life is not one train ride.

I don't know if I am that myself. I don't think any one of us knows if we are that person. But I think that everyday we try to be a better person and sometimes we forget the promises that we made to ourselves. I feel as if at times, we get lost in helping others and forget that we need to help ourselves too.

Teeba said to me that why is it that there are so less stars in the sky these days ? Back when we were little, the sky used to be filled with stars. It used to be a magical kingdom. And I said, maybe its because they do not like to see who the human race has become. Like we don't like to live in a polluted area because it smells or its injurious, just like that our evil and bad deeds are keeping the stars away.

I have always heard people say that whenever you see a shooting star, wish for your deepest desires from the bottom of your heart and they will come true. I don't believe in these things but you can always try to materialise your wish yourself instead of asking someone else. Be your own genie.

...SAP...

I Live Away From Home

Last year my very best one and only sister wrote an article titled, "Living Away From Home" and she mentioned all the things that she misses while living abroad. When I read it, I thought to myself that why is she being so sentimental and emotional ? So what ? It is not a big deal. I love Qatar. I don't have a problem living away from Pakistan. Yes. There are great things about Pakistan but I just don't see the diamond studded picture that can make me miss Pakistan. Its just one of the other countries on the map for me. I didn't give it a second thought and life went on.

But last Friday, I realised that Yes! I do live away from home. And yes ! Pakistan is home. You see it was my cousins Nikah ceremony. Now, we are a very small family and this is the first guy whose Nikah it was and we all pretty close. Because it all happened so suddenly within a week, we couldn't go and attend it. On the day of Nikah, my father called and my cousin (his elder and only sister) picked up and she told my dad that they were all getting ready and would leave for the ceremony in an hour. And I wanted to wear heels, spend hours at getting ready, wear those beautiful clothes and just be there. We called again after the Nikah to talk to everyone and congratulate them.  And I just had this emptiness in me. I had this longing to be there. I wanted to be there to enjoy the moment with my family. It was the first time in my life that I wanted to be in Pakistan rather any where else.

That day I realised that despite what I say and what I believe, deep down for me, my home has been and always will be Pakistan. It is like you realise the importance of something when you don't have it anymore and you think that you can get it back whenever you want but that's not how it works. You have to stick to what you have. I really did see the diamond studded picture which made me want to just fly out there and be with them. I really despised our lack of flying abilities on this auspicious day.

When you see a part of your family going through an important phase of their life and you so wish to be there for them but its the thousands of miles that stand between you and your home. You realise that the things you took for granted and never gave a second thought are the ones that are essential in your life and at the end of the day you are nothing without those things. I really am nothing without my family, without my identity, without my home. When you live abroad, you have the satisfaction that there are people back at home who will always be there to welcome you with open arms and no matter what life throws at you they will back you up. So, with immense pride I admit that I live away from home.

...SAP...